A different me...

I knew I was raised by my mom to be a sweet and compassionate girl..

I was once an ideal girl full of eagerness to help others. I loved to share whatever I have to other people especially my friends. I trusted them with all my heart. I was a once a lady who always gives a smile to everyone and shares with them my positive outlook in life. As time passes by, the trust and smile began to fade away without me knowing I have already transformed to an entirely different person.

It all started 4 years ago when I decided to work and stay in Marinduque...Living in the province is not the life I am used to.. Everyone tends to look at your life like a celebrity and expresses their comments about you tactlessly. I once had a friend who made up stories about me. I had been lucky enough I was able to prove "her" wrong and was able to regain my dignity. The lesson I learned: "Never trust a person easily.."

Since I got married three years ago, I had been through the most depressing times of my life. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby but couldn't have one. I was able to tolerate and survive the physical difficulties I had but the social and emotional rejections I got either directly or indirectly from other people really broke my heart. There were times I would rather not attend social gatherings like weddings, baptismals, reunions etc.. because I have ancticipated in my mind what our relatives and other people would ask me..."Aren't you pregnant yet?..too bad..."

Without my husband on my side (because he was working abroad) and my family away from me, I struggled to be a stronger person. It was only God who gave me strength and hope to live. The cheerfulness and trust was not entirely gone but I always make it a point to give it to the right person.

I still hear negative things about me.. I know it will take a long time before I get used to the culture I chose to live with. It will also take time before I forgive the person who have done me wrong.."time will heal the wounds", as they say..

I sometimes reflect on what kind of person I became.. the people who have been around me for four years made me change..

I miss the old "ME"..